My last post about living with infertility was some brutal truth of what I have experienced in these last 10 years of dealing with infertility. But there is another aspect, a vital piece to my story that is equally important to the pain infertility has caused me and it is this: even in the midst of deep sadness for my own infertility, I still feel joy for my friends and family as they become pregnant and welcome their baby into the world.
It may sound like an oxymoron; to feel both sadness for yourself and joy for another person all at the same time. But this is one of those things that I love about how God created us. He intricately created us to experience and feel multiple emotions at one time, even opposing emotions.
I truly, with all my heart feel great joy to see someone I love journey through pregnancy. I love seeing them become a mom. And I want to share in their joy too. And at the same time, I may feel sad.
My greatest fear is that my pain in infertility will alienate me from my friends because, out of fear for causing me more pain, they avoid sharing their news of pregnancy with me or talking about their pregnancy openly. I fear that in being transparent with my pain (as I have in recent posts) that others will put me at arm’s length when sharing about their babies.
I share what it is like to live with infertility because one, it feels freeing to be transparent, and secondly to hopefully educate those who have a loved one dealing with infertility.
I’ll never forget when a dear friend of mine told me she was newly pregnant and then she said, “this is probably really hard for you to hear me share this.” I was so touched by her words because she acknowledged the joy of her pregnancy and also the pain I was feeling about my own infertility. She totally gave me permission to share in her great news and at the same time not diminish my own feelings or pretend that I wasn’t hurting.
If you are experiencing infertility, don’t be afraid to be transparent with your friends and family about your emotions. And if you are the one with a friend or family member dealing with infertility, don’t be afraid to share your pregnancy experiences with them. Together you can acknowledge the array of emotions from you both, from the happy to the sad.